Say “NO” To Self Hate

“I shouldn’t have said that!” “I should have done it this way.” “I screw up again.” “Why can’t I never get this right?” “Something is wrong with me.” I’m beating myself up over and over again in my life. That was my life for the past 35 years. I was filed with anger and guilt.


Do you say all those things to yourself too? Yes? Do you know what those things are doing to us? Those things get us to hate ourselves. That’s exactly how we were conditioned since young. We were conditioned to think that “there is something wrong with us”. And some of us went to the extreme into self-hatred. How do I know that?

Because I asked. Out of 10 people, 4 stated that they hate themselves.


What kind of negative comments you heard from others about you?


For me, this is what I got from others. “You can never do this properly. You shouldn’t do this. You fail again. That is wrong. You should have known better. Stop doing that. You drive me crazy. It’s all your fault. Serves you right.” Do you hear something similar when you were a child?


We were exposed to all these at a very young age, and we concluded that there must be something wrong with us. Because if there was nothing wrong, why were we receiving all these comments?


With all these comments, we went on to:

  • assume there is something wrong with us
  •  look for flaws in ourselves
  • judge the flaws when we find them
  • hate ourselves for being the way we are
  • punish ourselves until we change


Gradually, we become depended on this self-hate because it provides us a false sense of identity. Since we have flaws, we assume others don’t like us. We have to do something to get people to like us or think better of us. That provides us with an identity, a false one though. And in the process of doing something, we are actually judging ourselves, looking for flaws in ourselves and punishing ourselves.


Self-hate wants you to continue feeling that you have flaws, because this feeling feeds its existence.With that feelings of flaws, you are consistently fixing things to find that identity and love, not knowing you are also consistently judging yourself. You go around looking to fix those flaws. But the more you fix, the more judgements you have about yourself. This self-hate conversation will never stop. It will not stop until…


You believe that everything is PERFECT. And there is nothing to be fixed.


What To Do Next?


Simple, very simple. Don’t BELIEVE whatever self-hate tells you! They are not true. When it says, “Oh you could have done better.” Don’t believe it.

“See, you made the same mistake again.” Don’t believe it.


If you truly believe that everything is perfect, then it doesn’t matter how things are done. Since everything is perfect, any action must be right. Statements like “You should do it this way, it’s better” “You should listen to me”, do not exist anymore.


You can begin by:

  • loving yourselves for your goodness
  • appreciating yourselves for who you are
  • trust yourselves
  • having confidence in your abilities
  • looking to your heart for guidance


Since everything is perfect, you do not have the need for that false identity and love anymore. You no longer need the existence of self-hate. You no longer have the need of love, acceptance and identity for others. You can then choose to be who truly are!

So go out to the world to be who you truly are! The REAL you!


2 thoughts on “Say “NO” To Self Hate

  1. Stefanie Wong

    – Ode to my demons –
    You come to me unbidden
    Interrupting the flow of my life
    You speak to me of fear and pride —
    Of the well of not-enough.
    I think that you are right.
    I am not now, now will I ever be ENOUGH
    Good enough, smart enough, caring enough, thin enough
    The list is endless
    Your voice is strong,
    Resonating through the years
    I have grown stronger
    I stop, listen, pay my respects
    You remind me not to grow complacent in my peace.
    I thank you and move on,
    For I know that I am indeed,
    Enough. — written by Elaine Brooks (Feb 1996)


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