After taking up coaching and practicing compassion for humanity, the anger in me has subsided. Friends commented that I’m lighter without the frown between my eyebrows. They noticed that I enjoy life more now, and I’m more relaxed. Life has been more of flowing now.
Going with the flow does not means that I don’t care about what comes, it means I’m looking at it with less judgements and expectations. And I’m taking more responsibility on my life and the outcome.
For someone who has anger issues, there are several causes to it. Probably there are more than one cause. Most likely it’s built up over the years.
We built the anger over many years. This comes from past incidents that didn’t get resolved. These incidents stayed in us, creating some form of triggers. So whenever similar incidents happen, you get triggered.
These past incidents actually create expectations and judgements. So when expectations are not met, our anger will be triggered. Then we started to form judgements about people or incidents. That is going to create more anger and form more judgements. This becomes a cycle where anger starts to manifest itself from the judgements. It’ll come to a point where every little thing trigger you. Did you ever met someone who has comment on anything he/she sees? The red hair lady, the sunglasses boy, the tattooed man etc.
To manage the anger, I started with being aware of the anger. Aware that when I’m angry and how come I’m angry. The feeling is like looking from a third party view, observing me being angry.
When I come from this angle, the anger actually subside. From this angle, I realized it’s just a small matter. And most of the time, I realized it was my issue. There is nothing right or wrong with the person or incident. I got angry because of my own stuff, expectation, judgements etc.
I asked myself, “Without these expectations and judgements, will I still be angry?” ABSOLUTELY NO! So there’s nothing to be angry about.
I can get triggered by a slow person. The expectation is for the person to be faster. But really fast and slow is subjective. How fast is fast, how slow is slow? I realized I had an interpretation of speed. The moment I see this, slow doesn’t trigger me as often. Even if I’m triggered, it subsides very fast. I control and release this anger almost immediately.
The other thing is practicing acceptance. I start to accept the differences and the imperfection of another person. This is a huge realization to me. It creates huge transformation in me. Acceptance comes from compassion. It’s the beginning of having compassion for others. To have compassion for others, I begin with having compassion to myself.
With compassion alone, it dissolves so much anger in me. I do not have to go any anger management course, boxing or any kind of similar program for my anger. I swim a lot now, and sing whenever I love it.
I’m aware that the anger is still there, but I’m very conscious when it came, and where it is, so that I don’t hold it for long. That’s my way to a happier life.