Self confidence comes from within. But some places mentioned that you build self confidence from with-out. Example like learning a skill, achieving a goal, dressing well or changing your physical appearance. No doubt you will improve self confidence by these methods, but you don’t get to address the cause of the lack of self confidence.
Since self confidence comes from within, you have to get to within to access it. In most books, you are asked to search outside to boost self confidence. Going outside to gain self confidence can create a gap. A gap that you won’t be able to discover what’s going on within you. You won’t be able to find out the causes of your lack of self confidence. This way your self confidence is not built on solid foundation.
True self confidence comes from belief and mindset. You can be extremely skillful in some areas but lack self confidence. On the other hand, have you met someone who isn’t particular masterful in any areas but are filled with self confidence?
This shows that self confidence may not have anything to do with achievements, skills or appearance. What really matter is your beliefs about yourself.
What can you do to increase self confidence from within?
Failure Is Not Failure
Start looking at failure differently. Do you get discourage when you are hit by failure? Do you get despair when things don’t turn out the way you want it? We all do at one point of our life. That’s because you look at failure as failure.
In 2008, I conducted a terrible workshop. After training for five years, I couldn’t believe that I screwed up that workshop. Huge failure for me. I went into my hole for two days. I learned from that experience, picked myself up, started training again.
Shift away from the belief of “failure is failure”. We were taught to believe that failure is failure in school. Remember the exam result that we were afraid to receive. It affected our self confidence today.
But if you look at the successful people today, how many of them fail more than once? All of them. Though failed more than once, they continued to come back stronger and wiser.
Failure is not failure. Failure is just a feedback that something isn’t working. Having this new belief, there won’t be anymore failures in your life, there will only be feedbacks and lessons. In that case, nothing is holding you anymore, you can soar like an eagle. Just by shifting one belief, you build self confidence.
Take on the mentality of experiencing life. Life is suppose to be filled with adventure. With this mentality, you’ll see and do things differently. Once you start to belief that you are here to experience life, you’ll gain confidence and courage to do things that you’ve never done it before or things that you are always afraid of doing.
Starting a conversation with a stranger becomes easy when you believe that is about experiencing a conversation with another human being – a new experience. Regardless a great conversation or a sour one, it’s a new experience for you.
So the end results doesn’t really matter anymore. Because it’s about experiencing life. With the process of building experience, you boost self confidence. You will discover self confidence builds self confidence. But first, you access your self confidence that is already in you. You do this by shifting from results oriented to experience oriented.
Removing The Perception Of Other
Most of the time the lack of self confidence comes from the fear of how others perceive you. Strip this fear away, you boost your self confidence by miles.
The reason we don’t do things that we want to do is usually because we are afraid of the perception of others. Some people are afraid of singing out loud because they are afraid of how other will think of them. I was one of them.
The day that I decided to remove this fear and sing whichever way I want it, I realized no one actually cared how I sing. Those who cared are strangers, so it doesn’t really matter anyway.
How others perceive you is their experience, it has nothing to do with you. Their interpretation is not the truth. If others think that your singing is bad, it’s their experience. You are just being you. You don’t have to buy into their story.
Your self confidence will blossom the moment you decide to believe in yourself than how others perceive you.
My intention here is to have you build self confidence from within. Self confidence has always been in you, it’s always there. Instead of saying building your self confidence, it should be more of re-discovering your self confidence.
Shift your unsupportive beliefs, practice the three ways mentioned above. Watch you self confidence soar.