We are at part 4 of the How Do You Build Self Esteem series. Have you list down your skills, hobbies and abilities, the exercise from part 3? I encourage you to list them down before you read on.
In this part 4, we will still be focusing on your inner work. We will be discussing about you being comfortable with yourself.
If you have been haunted by the low self esteem demon for a long time, you probably have forgotten who you really are. Low self esteem can lead you to focus so much on your limitations, mistakes and faults that you may be neglecting yourself completely.
Feeling bad about yourself leads you to spend the majority of your time comparing yourself with others and wanting to be more like them. You may compare yourself with your neighbours, siblings, celebrities, athletics, entrepreneurs, pastors, speakers, etc. In the process, you lost yourself. You forgot who you are, what’s your likes and dislikes.
I wanted to be like Ryan Giggs, a football speed master, when I was young. Then I wanted to be like Robert Kiyosaki who got wealthy by teaching financial intelligence. In the end, I modeled every mentor whom I followed. I modeled their way of speaking on stage, movements, tonality, gestures.
A person with a healthy self esteem is comfortable being himself. He is not concern about being someone else or following any celebrities. He may even be a trend setter. A person with a healthy self esteem will never feel awkward wearing shorts and flip flop to the Central Business District.
I once wore bermudas and sandals to our top shopping area, Orchard Road. This female friend asked how come I dressed so shabbily in a “high class” place. I pointed to her a Caucasian who was about 50 meters away from us, and ask her, “How come when Caucasian dressed the same way as I do, you girls never comment about their dressing, instead you girls comment that they are so cool.”
How to be comfortable with yourself?
First know yourself or remember yourself. Give yourself this chance of rediscovering you. Stand in front of the mirror, and ask yourself these questions.
- Which are my favourite TV or radio programs?
- What makes me laugh or cry?
- What do I day dream about?
- What are some of my favourite things?
- What words would I use to describe myself to someone I’ve never met?
- What movies do I like? Why?
- What music do I enjoy?
- If money is not a problem, what would you spend on?
- What is your favourite food?
- What will you not eat?
- What kind of person turns you off?
Imagine you were being interviewed on TV. How would you describe yourself? What would you say in front of the camera for two minutes?
These questions bring you closer to yourself. This may be an opportunity to get connected with yourself again, so that you can rediscover who you are.
From your answers and your “TV interview” script, check in with yourself again.
- Are you doing things that you dislike because it’s not your choice? If yes, how come you continue doing them?
- Are you not doing things that you like? If yes, how come you are not doing the things that you like?
- Are you being forced to do things that you dislike? If yes, how come you allow this to be force on you?
- Are you being bullied? If yes, how come you didn’t speak up?
The big question is: When will you finally decide to be yourself?
The whole process brings you to an awareness where you can begin to build yourself up.
Change Begins From Having An Awareness
We’ve come to the end of part 4.
Just like the previous three parts, there will be an exercise at the end. The exercise for part 4 is to laugh at yourself.
Think of three embarrassing situations that you will never tell others. Instead feeling embarrass, laugh at yourself. Laugh the situation off. Now share these three events with friends and family. Share it with close friends, share it with not so close friends.
I assure you that a breakthrough lies after this exercise.
I had my breakthrough when I shared my embarrassing moment. After sharing that event, I stop being concern of how other see me. So let me begin.
I stripped to my underwear at a hotel pool once thinking that I was wearing my swim wear. In the past, I would never share this experience.
The ability to laugh at myself build my self esteem very fast. Eventually, I became very comfortable in my own skin, not concern too much about other’s perception. Go get this exercise done. Looking forward to hear your stories and breakthroughs.