Two friends brought up this statement to me in the past three months. “Why Do Bad Things Always Happen To Me?”Do you understand the impact of this statement? This means they are struggling in life, and everything is not working in their life.
Waves of challenges hit them over and over again. They call these challenges -problems or bad things. In their opinion, they do not experience high’s and low’s in life like everyone else does. They experience low’s and lower’s.
They are waiting for a White Knight to rescue them from all bad occurrences. They are waiting for answers to their struggling life.
However, they become so good at waiting that when the White Knight appears, they doubt him, and choose to wait for the next shinier Knight. Or when the answer to their problem appears, they doubt the answer and choose to wait for a more acceptable answer.
They forgot that White Knights can appear in many forms, and answers can come in many different methods. Any Knight or answer that do not fit into their context and criteria is deems not suitable. The truth of the matter is only answers that are not within their reality and criteria can really help them. Little did they know that it is their original frame of mind that causes them to be in this dire state. To resolve their problems, they got to find answers outside this frame.
This is exactly what Albert Einstein meant when he said, “ We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
How do you stop these perpetual bad things from going lower and lower?
Dump The Emotions Consciously
Yes, I know. When bad things happened, you are probably so emotional to actually do anything to turn it around. Our first instinct is going into a reaction, turning ourselves into a victim. Complain, whine, blame game begin.
We feel unjust, unfair and sometimes unappreciated. “Why do I have to go through this”, we asked.
We get into a reaction because we are dumping out the emotions from our system. We have to let the emotions out. It is part of the healing process to dump the emotions. However, dumping the emotions without any awareness can do more harm than good.
Dumping of emotion is the first step to the healing process. This first step is like opening up a wound to clear the bacteria and clotted blood inside. Problem is after opening up the wound, you got to close it back. Wounds have to be stitched up, bandaged etc. And many do not know how to stitched up the wound.
What happened to most is after opening up the wound by dumping their emotions, (complaining, whining and gossiping) they don’t close up the wound. Thus, they continue to stay in that victim state. What does a victim sees all the time? BAD things and problems.
To close up the wound after all the dumping of emotions; firstly, acknowledge that you needed to dump. Acknowledge that you are complaining, whining or gossiping. Set aside a time and duration to do the dumping.
I practice “lay blame and justification night”. Life isn’t plain sailing for me all the time. I faced terrible things from time to time. And if I needed to dump my emotions, I will plan a night with 2 – 4 hours of dumping.
We named this night “Lay Blame & Justification Night”, where we gossip, whine and complain. Planning the night allows us to be conscious of what we are doing. We are very aware that we are playing victim, and this is a controlled way of being a victim. This sets you apart from many others who are not aware that they are victim.
After we are done with the victim mode, we have to close up the wound. After that 2 – 4 hours of “Blame & Justification Night”, I will announce that it’s time to move on. No more complains, no more whining. We look at how to we move forward, how do we resolve the challenges in front. We’ll always leave the night feeling empowered just by being aware of our state of mind.
Open The Mind
According to what Albert Einstein said, we can’t solve the programs with the mind that create them. Your problem will not be resolved if you are holding onto the old mindset of yours. To effectively resolve the challenges, look at solutions from other angles. Answers may come from places where you don’t expect.
Many times, the solution that is the most uncomfortable is the solution for you. But because the solution is so uncomfortable, you tend to resist it upon hearing it, that’s why you are stuck in the same situation.
Instead of saying “No” to a new solution immediately, hold the idea for a while. Explore how will this new solution support you if you execute it. Think about the idea from a objective point of view instead of subjective point.
What becomes possible if you were to act on the new solution?
For those who perpetually say “no” to new solutions come from a space of reaction. All new solutions have never gone through their logical thinking process. Saying “no” becomes an automatic reaction for these people. Thus, they never get out of the situation.
Allow the new solution to go through your logical thinking process. Look at the possibilities this new solution can open. All the resistances are a reaction of excuses intending to keep you from progressing.
It won’t be easy with these two steps, because when you are in it, you can’t see it. Just like fishes won’t know they are in water. It takes a high level of awareness to notice it. Start practicing your awareness from small little things.
First by being present to your emotions. Meditation helps according to many masters, but I don’t practice meditation.
I get present to my own emotions by checking in with myself often. I have my ME time very often, reflecting on the daily occurrence. And I acknowledge the feelings. “I am angry, happy, upset, frustrated now” I let it out, rather than suppress it.
You can hang around with those who have a high level of awareness, and are willing to support you. I hang around with friends who are Coaches, Trainers and Entrepreneurs. They will shout out to me when they observe that I am out of my line.
When you are able to see your own resistance, your energy and perspective about life is going to change. You can empower and inspire yourself to the life that you desire.