Someone did an unforgivable act to you. In your mind, mot likely you are going, “I’ll never forgive you.” And yes, no matter what people says, you can’t bring yourself to forgive this someone. You can’t forget the hurt that this someone has caused you.
In 2012, I was hurt by a friend. A 10-year old friendship was traded for a couple of thousand dollars. Totally not worth it, but it happened. For 2 years, we did not speak to each other. When we met in a lift, we acted like strangers. “I will never forgive him,” so I said,
Close friends attempted to mend the friendship, but I turned their good gestures away. “I don’t want to waste time on this kind of people who betrayed the trust of a friend,” I told these close friends.
One day before the Chinese New Year of 2014, this friend appeared in my mind again. Well, actually he has appeared in my mind over the span of 2 years, but this is the first time that I felt the time to let it go.
And there I picked up the phone to call this friend. I truly felt liberated after the call. This is true liberation, the liberation of the mind and ego.
Along the years, there are a couple more people whom I forgave. I forgave my sister and uncle who has caused great hurt to my family and me. But the feeling of forgiving someone is liberating.
In retrospect, there are definitely reasons behind every action that hurts me. In the society that we are in, people typically don’t intend to hurt another. Most of the time, the ego is driving the action to hurt another.
Sometimes the intention is good but the action may not be perfect in the eyes of the receiver, thus hurt is caused.
A buddy once shared that he disliked a particular person due to some hurt that this person had caused my buddy. When this person suddenly passed on, my buddy mentioned that there is nothing left when he heard the news of this person passing. All the negative feeling about this person has dissipated just like that.
Upon hearing this, my realization is if I do not forgive the people who hurt me, I may miss the chance since life is so unpredictable. Even if I am holding onto it, not letting it go, eventually I will have to let go when anyone of us passes on. The question is – do I want to do it by choice?
You don’t have to wait till the person to pass on before you forgive. You can do it anytime. Whatever that you are holding onto, you are holding onto nothing. Once the hurtful incident has passed, there is nothing left. All that is left is the meaning that you place on the incident. You have all the power to drop it and be liberated.
So would you like to do it by choice?