Failure, such a scary word! For some, it means the end of their World. Met many who are hurt deeply by the failures in their life. Many of them can’t get back on their feet, and choose to just get by instead of striving.
In my opinion, getting by is not life. Settle in the comfort zone is not what we are meant to do. We are meant to add value to the humanity by doing ever more with ever less. We are here to contribute by stretching ourselves.
Recall all your failures, analyse and reflect on them, what do you see?
These past failures were merely learning experiences. You learn so much more from these failures than success. Seems easy to look at them as learning experiences; but I can understand that when undesirable incidents happen, you don’t look at them this way.
The difference between those who get more things done and those who are not is the ability to look past the failure very quickly.
It’s not easy when you are in an emotional state to look past your failure. But there’s a way to do it quickly.
I was hit by a “failure” incident lately, and it could be devastating in affecting me for a few days, but I didn’t indulge in the emotions, and managed to get out quickly. Some believe that you can get out of the emotional state by hiding or suppressing your emotion. Well, I did not go by this route in fact I highly recommend you do not either.
I got out by fully acknowledging my emotions, and the state that I was in.
So what happened and how did I move on?
In some of my actual training program, I conduct previews to enroll participants. In one particular session, the marketing partner did a wonderful job of bringing 50 people into the preview room. Naturally I expected a good signup that night.
Interestingly, life loves to throw some challenges to test my resilient. At the end of that session, no one sign up. A big hit to my confidence. With that number of people, I have never faced zero enrollment. This is really breaking my record, in a bad way. I have to apologize to various people. Obviously, I didn’t feel good about the disastrous outcome.
The feedback that I got from my girlfriend wasn’t the kindest of words. I struggled with my emotion and this one big failure that I clocked. I blamed the audience that they are not the targeted group of audience. How can it be me? Yet at the same time, I invalidated myself, feeling a sense of guilt for those who invested their time to support.
Confidence was definitely shaken. Yet deep down, I can’t be indulging in this emotion for too long. I got to get out of it quickly.
So here’s what I did. It can apply to you too.
Quiet Your Mind
When you are in emotional, you can’t think properly. Your behaviour very much depends on your emotion.
I center myself by acknowledging my emotion. I was feeling like crap, guilt, shame, invalidation were going on in me. I acknowledge these feelings, allowing them to flow in me, run through me and eventually leaving me.
Only when my emotions were more settled, then my mind can be quiet. That’s when I can start to think clearly.
Turning the Blame
I was blaming the audience. I justify the zero sign-up to the wrong group of audience. Seriously? There was nothing wrong with them. I was the one who created the result. There is no one to blame, not even myself.
I reflected on my beingness and my thought before and during the preview. I reckoned it was my intention and my own arrogance that caused the downfall. As I was enjoying the success of the previous batch, I became arrogant and complacent. I got cocky, and I was paying the price – a pricey one.
Owning it Up
You better bring your courage along. Telling others of your screw ups is not something we are trained to do. We are trained to cover our a** since young.
If you have a younger siblings, you might recall to the young times when your younger brother/sister cried. And your mom started to questioned you, and usually your first response was, “I didn’t make him/her cry.”
Owning it up can be tough for some. However, you get to quickly get out of your emotional state.
The next day, I owned up to my partner, and to my group of understudy. I told them openly about my arrogance and complacency that could have caused the zero sign-ups. I admitted that I attempted to blame the audience for that was so terribly irresponsible. Owning it up is truly humbling experience for me.
After that the next moment is just to move on, because there’s nothing to hold on anymore, nothing to blame anymore, nothing to indulge anymore.
By owning up, there is no more opportunity to play victim. I can only stand in front and be responsible for the result.
Once I figure this out, I’m ready to move on the next day. Ready to fight another day.
Apply this 3-step when you are going through some emotional incidents from some failure expereinces. You can quickly get out of the emotional state and be responsible to change the outcome.
You can read a similar post on how I turned my disappointment around here.