“I shouldn’t have said that!” “I should have done it this way.” “I screw up again.” “Why can’t I never get this right?” “Something is wrong with me.” I’m beating myself up over and over again in my life. That was my life for the past 35 years. I was filed with anger and guilt.
Do you say all those things to yourself too? Yes? Do you know what those things are doing to us? Those things get us to hate ourselves. That’s exactly how we were conditioned since young. We were conditioned to think that “there is something wrong with us”. And some of us went to the extreme into self-hatred. How do I know that?
In our culture, I was taught to love others before self. I should be giving to everyone else first except me. It’s a sin to love myself more than the others. My cousins should eat first, walk first, play first.
When I had some sweets, I couldn’t eat them first. I must offer them to all my friends first. Only after they took their share, I was allowed to take the left overs. If I took the sweets first, I’ll be called selfish, or self-centered. And I didn’t want to be called that, so I behaved how people wanted me to behave.
Were you facing the same issues as me? Were you being taught to love others before self? Were you being told that loving yourself is inappropriate? Do you ever thought that loving yourself mean selfishness? Beware, that’s a huge interpretation that doesn’t serve you. This interpretation can affect your behaviour.